Chill

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I have a knot on my throat and it has been tighten with every breath, unfortunately I just release my tears when I’m alone or when I feel myself safe with someone, when I feel that the shoulder beneath my head doesn’t know the root of my complex equation, when I think that I can’t hurt nobody else with my rage and pain, and they just would never understand this feeling caused by these wounds from long ago.

Since last week I have been working very hard trying to get over things that never made sense, and I always knew!! I love the way it feels when you just close your eyes, walk in the way your dreams and hopes are and with every step you are just closer, but there’s a thing I want it to be explained to me, why do I feel ecstasy if I fall in this unfinished abysm between us??? I know that sooner or later the end will hit me. Wow, when that word came to my mind it sent a chill up and down my spine. Now I think I could use the word “bottom” but no matter how sad it sounds, I know that when I reach the end that’s it, I don’t have another chance to climb back.

Thanks God I always have my smile, which has two functions: #1: disguise my desolation and the most important #2: helps me to survive, gives me the oxygen my lungs need and I admit is my morphine.

I’m afraid, but as human being we’re always afraid of what we don’t know. I’m Positive about my future, my long term goals. This love for life makes me wanna fly all the way through above the sea of deception that waits eager of my falling steps to this wonderful place filled with harmony, peace, and truth.

Is just great the way this mysterious warm zephyr caress my thoughts. I lay down in the backyard, take a deep breath, left all my senses by their own, open my eyes, look up in the sky all the stars once I wish upon, relax, close my eyes and smile. It’s so ironic, everything I always wanted is right here with me, honestly I have no idea why did I search for things that have been always in front of my face even before my days, maybe a lifetime, or two.

I’m watching at my camera with anxiety, the power of a picture is incredible in alliance with mind’s power. I have the option of keeping those moments as treasures inside my little black safe box hidden right next to my reason or just let them disappear with time, dust and some spider’s nets until it loss it’s value and decide that I need some room for something else. But from the bottom of my heart I know I can’t throw away this little rock just because it made me stumble out the road, I can’t destroy it just to be sure it wont happen again, I wanna prove myself that in the middle there’s a diamond. I better keep it, maybe I will see the day when that rock turns into my own philosopher’s stone capable to turn dust in gold for me, it will be locked in a secret spot and dismissed when I build my kingdom on top of another hill.

A sigh is so meaningful, short, deep, full of feelings, is the virtual thin line dividing death and life. Just for a second you don’t even know if you are dead or alive, and trust me, it doesn’t matter, that’s the last thing you care of. Later I will know how I am, because right now I don’t really care, just like that I finish these lines.

* sigh *

{song=Chill}

{by=The Rasmus}

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiSoH4pNxbM